Thursday, November 29, 2018

Numb Fear

Countless dreams and nightmares seem to have a psychological toll to my overall emotions in the real world. The constant simulations in my lucid dreams are numbing the basic principals of every day life. At times I find myself having to exaggerate my responses to simple acknowledgments.

To endure so many plausible outcomes of my own life has left a deep wound that I cant find away to erase. The curiosity of death.
I should of left it alone, but what is a young curious my mind suppose to do when it craves the unknown?
We seem to portray death generally in a negative aspect, as a loss. We wake up in a sense of sadness and wonder, what if.
What if I die? What if it dies? What if he/she dies? What if we all die?

Having to witness limitless amounts of death in every way imaginable has made me feel totally comfortable with it. Yet, it also has opened the biggest fear of mine.
The fear of not being able to mourn for a close loss, either being a immediate family member or a close friend. Even went as far enough to run simulations about such an event and what I'm left with is a confused crowd and frowned disgust look on their faces.
I stand there numb.